Friday Movie: Robin Hood

A war-hardened Crusader and his Moorish commander mount an audacious revolt against the corrupt English crown.

Director: Otto Bathurst

Writers: Ben Chandler (screenplay by), David James Kelly (screenplay by) |

Stars: Taron Egerton, Jamie Foxx, Ben Mendelsohn

Why do everything has to be so edgy and modern these days?! This is the Robin Hood that you really do not need.

It starts with Robin and his fellow US soldiers during the Iraq war...wait what? Oh sorry. I mean no it does not look like they are dress in khaki, wearing kevlar and using bows as guns, and the enemy has this machine arrow..gun *eyeroll*

In strolls Marian showing a lot of skin for that era..ok.

Later it shows that she is poor with her hubby, but damn girl, sell that nightgown! A lace nightgown would go for a pretty penny.

The town is GoT like, oh it was filmed in Dubrovnik, that explains it. Very English. Yup.

Dang that leather is so well tailored. This town has the best tailor. The stitches are superb, also wtf is everyone wearing? Is this a Gucci catwalk? Oh my, look at that hair. These nobles are very modern. Orgy too, ok, also is this a casino?

Church now, priest in pretty yellow like chickens. Look at that noble Wearing a tartan jacket, how very cool of them. I guess they are Scot friendly too.

And that speech how the infidels are coming to England if they do not send men. Very inspiring. I mean I would be worried about the French, but yes imminent attack from the Middle East does seem more likely.

Ohh railway tracks, ok fine that does it. What is this? Is there a single thing that is correct? Nope, I guess not.

If it had been factual then this could have been great (also why is Jamie Foxx even here? His character is so underdeveloped! He needs more screentime!) Anyway, now it just feels like some weird edgy cool mess that they tried and failed.

Working class riot at the end too. The miners are angry.

And Marian, wtf, no you do not do that! Ugh, I hate everyone

Do not watch it. I mean, to nitpick, sure watch it then, but not for fun, it is mostly aggravating. I can not let myself just enjoy it when it is so clearly nothing Medieval about it. Not one single thing.